How Can You Tell When You Are Emotionally Attached To Someone?

[Lady Sugar Plum]

How can you tell when you are emotionally attached to someone for sure?
Can you be emotionally attached to someone,and not realize it?
I have been doing a lot of thinking on this subject,and I got to wonder if I could be emotionally attached to the Pastor,and not realize it.
From all of the stuff I have said in my posts in other threads could I be emotionally attached to the Pastor?

[Ann]

Hello Donna
A person knows they are emotionally attached to someone when they feel concern, caring, liking etc. for the other person and when they would feel a sense of loss if they were to loose the relationship with the person. Emotional attachment is not a bad thing in and of itself. People get emotionally attached to family, pets, friends, a certain pillow, etc. The problems happen when the emotional attachment is so strong that it interferes with a person's ability to function or have other normal relationships or makes them want to hurt themself. It is normal to feel sad when someone you like is moving away. It is normal to like your pastor in a way similar to the way you might like, respect, and look up to a trusted teacher.

[lap7]

Yeah, I agree with Ann. Don't be deceived by your thoughts so that you cut yourself off from someone you have only clean thoughts of, but if you begin to have sexual urges or dependence in the sense that only what they say is correct, then it might be more than normal, so I'd be careful with this.

[Lady Sugar Plum]

I'm to tired to copy,and paste,it's not as easy to do with a Touch Pad as it is with a normal mouse.
There is like only one I like as a boyfriend,and I haven't seen him in a long time,even then I have such difficulty talking with him it's not funny,Jamie.
I have no idea what a sexual urge is but I doubt I have ever had any towards anyone.

I know that but for me being upset when someone leaves the church is so not normal,although I was upset when my bestfriend had to move to Wisconsin. The only other time that I was upset was do to being emotionally attached to him,like I couldn't stand the fact he wouldn't be around had a lot to do with it,and I forget how I got over it.

For me getting upset when someone leaves the church isn't something I normally do,but then a lot of the time I hardly know the person,and never got the chance to be friends.

The reason it upsets me is I'll go back to having no one to go to with my problems offline,and that's why it upsets me like it does as much as it upsets me. Because I can't go with out anyone offline again because it's the only way I can ever get the help I need. I know I mentioned why I was upset in another thread. For me things just can't go back to how they used to be with no one to go to,and my parents getting called if I mention I'm suicidal like it used to be,that's not the only thing that upsets me about it. Also because I won't have anyone I can go to about self-harm offline,and I only just started to talk with him about it too because I had to wait until I had the courage to do so,right now I wish I hadn't done that,and I can't go to the other person offline who knows about it because she won't understand it,and I'm so tired of hearing the words I'm complaining from her words I don't need to hear when I'm not complaining. I don't know if I can tell anyone else the self harm stuff,God only showed me him no one else,and with this I can't afford to make any mistakes when it comes to talking with someone offline about it. For me it's like losing the only person I mainly go to offline with my problems,not only that yet again I have to lose someone that truly understands me. I don't have anyone else who does,even the one friend I had online who truly understood me is offline,and I have no way to contact him,for all I know he could have had an asthma attack,and died,and he lives in Georgia of course this would be the 2nd time he was unknown,and I keep looking,and hoping he'll be back online,you know the city that is in both Alabama,and Georgia that's the one he lives in,and I currently have no one else in my life online or offline who understands me that is truly understands me.

I got to copy,and paste this here because I don't understand the statement entirely.

The problems happen when the emotional attachment is so strong that it interferes with a person's ability to function or have other normal relationships or makes them want to hurt themself.

How can an emotional attachment be so strong that it interferes with a person's ability to function or have other normal relationships or makes them want to hurt themself?
I need to copy,and paste this here too because I'm confused by it.

dependence in the sense that only what they say is correct, then it might be more than normal, so I'd be careful with this.

I have a tendacy to depend on people,and sometimes I depend on people way more than I should yet I try my best not to be to dependant but it don't always work out that way. I don't really understand that statement. What would be more than normal?

Is it normal for someone with Aspergers Syndrome to depend on people a lot?
Is it also normal for someone with AS to depend on people to much?

I do know that it is very normal for me to do that. That's why some of my friends have told me it's best we don't talk any more,that one person who is a Christian who was one of my online pen pals because he knew if he didn't I'd depend on him,and he wanted me to depend on God more so he told me not to contact him any more.

Everytime a friend becomes unknown online it tends to make me upset,samething can be said when I lost friends who weren't my true friends because it made me more lonely,and with out my online friends I'd be as lonely as I used to be before I came online,and got online friends,so I get upset when that happens.

Some of what I feel because of this I'm not sure of right now but I think I'm getting what else I am feeling mixed up in this.

[Ann]

Hello again Donna
Let's see if I can answer your questions more clearly this time.

You asked

How can an emotional attachment be so strong that it interferes with a person's ability to function or have other normal relationships or makes them want to hurt themself?

Sometimes people get so attached to another person that that other person is all they think about. They don't want to do anything but think about that person or be with them or talk to them. They don't want to eat or go to classes or do the other things they need to do. Or they might feel like this one person is the only person they can ever talk to or think about. Not just that this is the only person they trust about a particular thing but the only person they ever want to talk to about anything on or off line. They think only about that person not about anything or any one else. They think that if they can not be with that person all the time they need to hurt themself badly and aometimes they think if they hurt themself bad enough it illl make the otehr person stay right there with them all the time. That is too attached and not healthy.

Other times someone may get where they will pay attention only to what just one person says

dependence in the sense that only what they say is correct, then it might be more than normal, so I'd be careful with this.

An example might be if that one person says they should wear red all the time and others tell them they can wear what they want they would only wear red because that person said so. Or they would only believe what that person said believe. They let that one person control what they do or what they think.

Is it normal for someone with Aspergers Syndrome to depend on people a lot? Is it also normal for someone with AS to depend on people to much?

Sometimes when we know we have problems or a condition that malkes us not able to do things or relate well we all tend to depend on other people. You know more than I do about AS. If I understand correctly people with AS often see things from their own point of view and have a hard time understanding that other people may have problems or needs that are different from theirs. So they get hurt or upset if someone does not do what they want because it seems to them that the person ought to be as focused on what the AS person wants as the AS person is and that nothing belse should be as important. So if a person they want to have be there for them isn't there they think that person is wrong. They don't always think so much about what the other person needs as about what they need and want. Is that correct? My friend has a condition that is a little like AS and understanding things like that is very hard for her because she is so focused on what she needs and wants. I don't mean she is selfish. I just mean that she has a hard time seeing things any way except as they relate to what she needs and wants.

Sometimes people get overwhelmed by other people's needs and problems. Sometimes when a person finds someone they feel like they can talk to it is hard not to dump everything on them. Setting limits for ourselves is not easy to learn is it?

[Lady Sugar Plum]

Originally Posted by Ann

Hello again Donna
Let's see if I can answer your questions more clearly this time.

You asked Sometimes people get so attached to another person that that other person is all they think about. They don't want to do anything but think about that person or be with them or talk to them. They don't want to eat or go to classes or do the other things they need to do. Or they might feel like this one person is the only person they can ever talk to or think about. Not just that this is the only person they trust about a particular thing but the only person they ever want to talk to about anything on or off line. They think only about that person not about anything or any one else. They think that if they can not be with that person all the time they need to hurt themself badly and aometimes they think if they hurt themself bad enough it illl make the otehr person stay right there with them all the time. That is too attached and not healthy.

That sounds like real similar to some of the stuff I have felt lately,of course I just shrugged it off as those thoughts,and feelings had been a one time thing but now it's worse than before,and I wasn't really understanding any of it. After all he is the only person that I feel I can go to with the self harm stuff at the moment. All of the uncontrollable self harm since Wednesday has to do with not getting to talk with him Wednesday night. I have also felt like I can't stand the thought of him not being around,and the feeling more suicidal now,and considering suicide even. There are other things to but I didn't think anything of it until I read that tonight. Not that I thought that it was normal I just couldn't believe I was feeling that stuff. Every single instance that I didn't get to talk to him about what I needed to talk to him about since Wednesday night when I didn't go to him like I should have,when I missed his phone call,and when I didn't get to talk to him about what I urgently needed to talk to him about tonight the urges to self harm get worse,and I also end up self inflicting pain on myself,and I didn't understand why,and was to scared to tell anyone about it.

Originally Posted by Ann

Other times someone may get where they will pay attention only to what just one person says An example might be if that one person says they should wear red all the time and others tell them they can wear what they want they would only wear red because that person said so. Or they would only believe what that person said believe. They let that one person control what they do or what they think.

Sometimes when we know we have problems or a condition that malkes us not able to do things or relate well we all tend to depend on other people. You know more than I do about AS. If I understand correctly people with AS often see things from their own point of view and have a hard time understanding that other people may have problems or needs that are different from theirs. So they get hurt or upset if someone does not do what they want because it seems to them that the person ought to be as focused on what the AS person wants as the AS person is and that nothing belse should be as important. So if a person they want to have be there for them isn't there they think that person is wrong. They don't always think so much about what the other person needs as about what they need and want. Is that correct?

Yes I think so. I know I sure do get upset when I need to talk to a certain someone,and it don't work out the way I think it should,and that I think that when my need to talk is urgent that the person should be more focused on it.

Originally Posted by Ann

My friend has a condition that is a little like AS and understanding things like that is very hard for her because she is so focused on what she needs and wants. I don't mean she is selfish. I just mean that she has a hard time seeing things any way except as they relate to what she needs and wants.

Sometimes people get overwhelmed by other people's needs and problems.

I know they do,I know I sure have in the past.

Originally Posted by Ann

Sometimes when a person finds someone they feel like they can talk to it is hard not to dump everything on them. Setting limits for ourselves is not easy to learn is it?

Oh. I used to do would do that all the time every single time I found someone who was easy to talk to but quit because of all of the being pushed away,I was a teenager at the time. I used to do that a lot online when I found someone easy to talk to but that caused people I shouldn't have told my problems to to know all about me. No.

It is starting to sound like I am emotionally attached to Brother Charles,not only that but it is worse than when I was emotionally attached to Brother Scott Hildreth.

I don't think Brother Charles would be amazed by it either. Although I'm not sure how obvious it is. It is a no wonder I'm so upset by him leaving.

I do know that in the future being upset when someone leaves the church when I wouldn't normally shows I could be emotionally attached to the person.

[Ann]

Hello Donna
You have a lot of good insight on yourself and others. It does hurt when we want something a lot and it doesn't seem as important to the other person.

Being attatched to someone is not all a bad thing. That is how people make friends. Problems happen when one person has more of an emotional attatchment than the other person does or one person uses the emotional attachment to try to control the other. The degree of attatchment that is appropriate also depends on the kind of relationship the people have. A person is generally more attatched emotionally to family or close friends than to someone who they hardly know for example. Most people feel more attachment to a friend than they would to someone who cleans their teeth that they don't have any other contact with or someone else they just know in a professional way.

I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. Have you tried talking to Jesus about the self harm? You can talk to Him like in a prayer or write it out like in a letter. He really cares and He is always there.

[Lady Sugar Plum]

Originally Posted by Ann

Hello Donna
You have a lot of good insight on yourself and others.

I do,I haven't even realized that myself.

Originally Posted by Ann

It does hurt when we want something a lot and it doesn't seem as important to the other person.

Being attatched to someone is not all a bad thing. That is how people make friends.

It isn't. It is. I didn't know that.

Originally Posted by Ann

Problems happen when one person has more of an emotional attatchment than the other person does or one person uses the emotional attachment to try to control the other. The degree of attatchment that is appropriate also depends on the kind of relationship the people have. A person is generally more attatched emotionally to family or close friends than to someone who they hardly know for example.

He is after all a close friend,and I don't have many close friends offline.

Originally Posted by Ann

Most people feel more attachment to a friend than they would to someone who cleans their teeth that they don't have any other contact with or someone else they just know in a professional way.

Oh. I don't understand that completely. I don't get what you mean by professional way.

Originally Posted by Ann

I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. Have you tried talking to Jesus about the self harm? You can talk to Him like in a prayer or write it out like in a letter. He really cares and He is always there.

No. I really don't understand what the big deal with prayer is. I know that.
I am so tired that it is tough to think any thing new.

[Ann]

Hello Donna
Thanks for letting me know what I didn't say clearly enough. Please let me try again.

Originally Posted by Ann
Most people feel more attachment to a friend than they would to someone who cleans their teeth that they don't have any other contact with or someone else they just know in a professional way.

Oh. I don't understand that completely. I don't get what you mean by professional way.

Some people we know only through the work they do for us - the person who cleans teeth, or the person who serves a coke at McDonalds for example. That is what I mean in a professional way. They may be a very nice person but we don't know them except for what they do. Other people we may see every week or talk to on line and we become friends. We get to know them. We get to know some about their lives. They get to know us. We become friends. We may like the way someone helps us through their work but we would not usually get as attatched to someone we know only that way as we would to a friend.

About praying. You said you asked Jesus to live in your heart and be your Savior, is that correct? When you did that you also became God's child because Jesus lives in you. That is what people call being born again. Just like when a baby is born she becomes part of the family, now you are part of God's family. Jesus loves you. He died for your sins. I know you know that. But that is not all. He wants to help and bless you now today not just someday in heaven. He is never too busy to care. He never goes away. He never says don't bother me. Prayer is just talking or writing to Jesus. It is strange talking to someone you can't see. But we do that on line every day, don't we. We trust that someone will read what we post and care and reply. When you talk or write to Jesus or to God you are talking to someone who loves you more than anyone else ever can or will. You are talking to someone who can do more to make things better than anyone else can or will. That is what prayer is.

[Lady Sugar Plum]

Originally Posted by Ann

Hello Donna
Thanks for letting me know what I didn't say clearly enough. Please let me try again.


Some people we know only through the work they do for us - the person who cleans teeth, or the person who serves a coke at McDonalds for example. That is what I mean in a professional way. They may be a very nice person but we don't know them except for what they do. Other people we may see every week or talk to on line and we become friends. We get to know them. We get to know some about their lives. They get to know us. We become friends. We may like the way someone helps us through their work but we would not usually get as attatched to someone we know only that way as we would to a friend.

About praying. You said you asked Jesus to live in your heart and be your Savior, is that correct? When you did that you also became God's child because Jesus lives in you. That is what people call being born again. Just like when a baby is born she becomes part of the family, now you are part of God's family. Jesus loves you. He died for your sins. I know you know that. But that is not all. He wants to help and bless you now today not just someday in heaven. He is never too busy to care. He never goes away. He never says don't bother me. Prayer is just talking or writing to Jesus. It is strange talking to someone you can't see. But we do that on line every day, don't we. We trust that someone will read what we post and care and reply. When you talk or write to Jesus or to God you are talking to someone who loves you more than anyone else ever can or will. You are talking to someone who can do more to make things better than anyone else can or will. That is what prayer is.

It's not that I don't know that about prayer it's just that I don't get what the big deal is. I just think that it takes more than just prayer when it comes to most problems.

Besides that I have big problems with words when it comes to praying,that is why I had more than one person work with me offline on praying Brother Scott Hildreth,and Brother Brian,no one else has since though.

[Ann]

Lately almost every time I check the who's on line someone or some search tool is reading this thread. I don't know if it is the same person or what but since it is an old thread it might be someone is looking for it not just seeing it by coincidence because it would be a little hard to find without looking on purpose. I just want to tell anyone this interests that they are welcome at iljboards and that they can get to post here by emailing iljboards@yahoo.com and letting us know they want to be part of ilj.