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Old 05-30-09, 12:56 PM
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Default God's Discipline?

I woke up one morning last week with the verse "Obadiah 4" in m head. This was very unusual I thought, since it was a very random book in the Bible and one I had never actually read, or had any mention/contact/sighting of in any recent memory. I looked it up and it was not a "good" verse (Obadiah is a one chapter book... so Obadiah 1:4 reads):

Though you soar like the eagle
and make your nest among the stars,
from there I will bring you down,"
declares the LORD.

I thought umm... yikes, ok, must have been random. Why would God give me a verse like this? It seems kind of... mean... and I don't *feel* like I struggle with pride... or have been particularly "bad" or something...

Well it was/has been bugging me for a while, and then stuff started going bad...

* I got last place on this contest I entered on something I am good at or is my main talent area, and while it wasn't representative of my best work and I didn't expect much, it was still kind of humiliating. On top of that, things have been quieter because a lot of my friends have moved away and I went to this contest thing award night thing by myself, because my family and the handful of friends I have in town all couldn't go. Oh and they had raffle tickets that they gave out consecutively in line as you entered, ie 4080, 4081, 4082, and I let some guy cut in front of me in line and his number was called for the raffle! THAT WAS MINE!! Grr.

* I had a really discouraging interaction with this one girl I like

* I felt like God withdrew his presence from me and I noticed it until I resolved to obey him on a challenging thing I felt on my heart. I felt like I was supposed to not take my paycheck for the month from the small Christian non-profit I was working for, because I hadn't earned it for that month with the amount of hours I put in, and that in the past months before that I had missed enough hours with my flexible schedule that I "owed" time and that was their money because I hadn't given them all the hours I owe.

* I've never had an accident or ticket in my 8 years of driving and I got a ticket for 60 in a 55 which is just lame. To be honest I've deserved a ticket a great deal of times and been pulled over 8-9 times and never got cited, so I guess I had it coming, but in the context of this verse and this week... I feel like God let me get ticketed.

I just feel like everything is going wrong and I normally would never attribute that to God, except for that I woke up with that verse in my head and I've felt like I've been continually humbled, rebuked, and disciplined in the last weeks. And while I don't feel sad or self-pity I'm kind of like "man what did I do" ... I wasn't deliberately like being bad or something... actually I'd been really close to God lately and in the last years just growing and learning a lot.

So I feel like God is "disciplining" me as a son, I felt like that verse came to mind when I was praying about it the other night, and I feel like God has/was working in me for a long time and now that I'm "strong" enough in Him maybe he wants to discipline me because (1) I can handle it now and (2) I need it to be what God wants me to be...

I just can't help but wonder... I feel like bad things keep happening and I can't help but feel like it's God's hand bringing them to me to discipline me... is that right? I read Oswald Chamber's Utmost for His Highest entry for August 14th and I wonder if that is what God is doing in my life right now?

Your thoughts? Thanks.
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