View Full Version : LOTR parody

06-01-02, 10:14 PM
I just made this up......it's only the first chapter, but if you guys like it I may finish it.


“Finally, Dr. Randolph, I am graduating!” exclaimed a very ecstatic Fred.

“Yes, and Sam feels the same way, I am sure. Too bad Perry and Gary still have two more years until freedom,” observed Randolph. Fred and his professor were talking after school in the teacher’s lounge, for Fred was somewhat of a teacher’s pet. Suddenly Randolph grew solemn and thoughtful. “Now that you have graduated, I need to talk to you about something VERY important. I have studied you for these past four years, and I believe you are the man I need for a secret mission.”

“Secret mission?” Fred asked wide-eyed.

“Yes. Many years ago, an evil man decided he wanted evil minions to take over the world so he could become Supreme Head Cheese of the World. After he created these vile beings, he thought of something to make so he could make the leaders of every country follow him. He needed to cook something everyone likes: mashed potatoes.”

“Mashed potatoes?!”

“Mashed potatoes. Everyone loves this dish. The man, whose name was Sore-on, cooked up plates and plates of mashed potatoes with a secret ingredient that would go straight to the brain and make them literal slaves.”

“How long ago did Sore-on live?”

“He died 1,249 years ago, and his mashed potatoes were lost when the army of the United States defeated them. (A/N, I know I know, just play along. :D) The United States’ president, thankfully, was allergic to mashed potatoes. Sore-on couldn’t ensnare him or this wonderful country.”

“If Sore-on was destroyed long ago, how does this relate to me?”

“Unfortunately, some of the mashed potatoes have been found. They were……wrapped with Saran wrap. If these potatoes got in the wrong hands, the result could be disastrous.”

“Oh no. What now?”

“Well, these tatoes were made to stay good for a loooooong time. They cannot be destroyed by any means here in the US.”

“In the US? Does that mean there is someplace this dish could be destroyed?”

“Yes. As you know, no one likes cold mashed potatoes.” Fred and Randolph cringed at the thought. “If these potatoes were buried deep in the snow of Siberia, the tubers would remain frozen forever.”

“Ok, so let’s just fly there! What’s so hard about it?”

“Young Fred, if only it were that easy. The Russians know that there are still mashed potatoes out there. They also know that the only way to permanently get rid of them are to bury them in Siberia. They have posted undercover detectives on all airplanes, trains, in cabs, everywhere. And some of Sore-on’s evil minions still live. Ever wonder why Russians wear such thick coats and furs? It’s to cover their identities.”

Both men fell into deep thought. Randolph was pondering whether or not Fred was the person for the job, while Fred wondered how the mashed potatoes tasted. They stayed that way until Fred broke the silence.

“So, let me guess, you want ME to take the forbidden food to Siberia.” Randolph nodded slowly. “How?!? You said yourself that every way to get in to Russia is guarded.”

“If we were to go, we could not use any modern means of transportation. The farthest we could go by plane without arousing suspicion would be to Belarus. From there, we would go to Siberia by walking.”

“WALKING?!!? Do you know how far that is? And who would go with me? I can’t do this by myself! And how do I even know these supposed potatoes are real?!” Randolph could see Fred needed some convincing, so he brought out the plate wrapped in Saran wrap. “Gasp!” Another gasp was heard.

“What the?” The professor opened the door all the way to have a certain Sam fall. “Samuel Keith! What are you doing eavesdropping?”

“Uh, I-I-I was j-j-just looking for F-Fred,” Sam managed to stutter.

“Also looking for trouble, I see! Well Fred, you were worried about going alone, here is a companion!”

“Sam! Did you hear everything?” Sam turned red but nodded. “Good, we don’t have to explain anything. You are going too, are you not Mr. Randolph?”

“Most likely. I have a feeling you will need others on this perilous journey, some people trained in specific areas. After speaking with them, I will return. Keep the mashed potatoes hidden, and do not tell anyone of them! I will be back when you least expect it, so watch for me!” With that, the teacher hurried out the door. Sam and Fred just stared at each other for a minute.

“So, want to see a movie?”


whatcha think?

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 10:36 PM
What? No handsome and daring hero wearing Flannel?

06-01-02, 10:40 PM

I DO have another LOTR story I've written a lot more on that's more of a romance....

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 10:42 PM
No like romance. Can you throw in some explosions, giant robots, Flannel wearing people, and perhaps a Tyrant? I find those stories more entertaining.

06-01-02, 10:45 PM
Just you wait, I some suprises in store for this story. That is, if you think I should continue it. *Translation* For the love of all things good, say you like it!!! :D

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 10:48 PM
ok, I like it. It seems to have the potential to be quite humorous. Of course, if it was MY story, I'd get rid of the potatoes by having an agent slip into the Tyrant's castle and slip them on his plate...

06-01-02, 10:53 PM
For the life of me, I don't know why I picked mashed potatoes. I mean, mashed potatoes. A ring........mashed potatoes. Ok whatever. :D

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 10:54 PM
Maybe you were hungry?

06-01-02, 11:01 PM
actually, no. I had just had a bowl of cereal. Speaking of which, I think I am allergic to milk. I had cereal last night, and I felt like puking. then I had it this morning, and I felt the same way. hmmmmm...... This thought brought to you by me. :D

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 11:05 PM
Maybe your milk has gone bad. Check the expiration date.

06-01-02, 11:07 PM

it says it expires June 8th. Maybe I'm just spazzing.

06-01-02, 11:12 PM
well you are a pschic friend remember? maybe it is the form the potatoes are in that counts........

06-01-02, 11:14 PM

I think my title sums that up.

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 11:15 PM
Originally posted by Tricia

it says it expires June 8th. Maybe I'm just spazzing.

Milk can go bad if somebody (say your little sister) were to leave it out for a couple hours...

06-01-02, 11:17 PM
1 1/2 hours out of fridge...numerous bacteria will begin to grow. by 2 hours it will be completely infected with the numerous bacteri.

06-01-02, 11:17 PM
I don't think that's it. Maybe I'll just stay away from cereal for awhile. :wah:

06-01-02, 11:18 PM
Originally posted by kitty_cat05
1 1/2 hours out of fridge...numerous bacteria will begin to grow. by 2 hours it will be completely infected with the numerous bacteri.


*bows to Miss Nutrition Bowl Queen*

06-01-02, 11:23 PM
oh yeah......guess I better start studying.....:eek:
*looks at binder*
Nnnoooootttt tonite

06-01-02, 11:31 PM

06-02-02, 12:34 AM
Niffy job Tricia!:biggrin: es funny