View Full Version : this board is dying and I'm bored soo....

05-18-02, 04:02 AM
I'm afraid you are about to be subjected to *duh, duh, duh!!!* a creative work by the great and marvelous Cath! :D Okay, so maybe minus the great and marvelous part. ;) I thought you might enjoy reading my prize winning essay from gr. 8 which has been gathering dust in my closet for the past 4 years.....granted the prize was a kangaroo sticker and having my essay tacked to a wall for two weeks but it's better then nothing! And yes, I am one of those dorks who saves all their schoolwork for the sake of nostalgia. Anyways, here it is. Enjoy! (By the way, no it's not serious ;) )


"Come on, move it you freak of nature!"
"Honk, Honk!"

Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Honking cars and shrieking drivers converving on a congested city street create the perfect atmosphere for this common problem. Yes, you guessed it; it's road rage.

You may think that road rage is restricted to yelling and honking of horns, however you would be wrong. There have been many incidents of physical conflict, often involving weapons, which are directly linked to road rage. The most recent of these involved a man beating a defenseless dog with a baseball bat. This shocking incident caused our city to stop and think.

There have been many studies done on this relatively new issue, but so far they have come up blank. The best we can offer at the moment is counselling and support groups. Some say this is a sufficient course of action but I simply cannot shut my eyes and accept this ludicrous assumption.

First of all, has there been a decrease in road rage incidents since the development of counselling programs? If there has been, it certainly has not been advertised. Furthermore, it is obvious that without a drastic and decisive course of action the problem will simply get worse. So, what do we do now?

If you have seen "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" you will be familiar with a procedure called a lobotomy. This is a procedure which removes the prefrontal lobe from the subjects brain. It was often used during the late 1800's to tame those suffering from global assessment functioning deficits otherwise known as insanity. It was quite successful and was able to reduce a formely wild and rebellious patient to a peaceful and calm human being.

Now, you may be wondering how this relates to our current issue. Well you see, the prefrontal lobe is the part of the brain which controls the emotions such as happiness and sadness. And that is the beauty of it. Rage is an emotion. However, without the prefrontal lobe, one simply can not get angry. This perfect solution has been right under our noses since the very beginning of road rage. I am shocked and amazed that no one thought of this before me. However, now that the idea has been discovered, we can get right down to business.

I propose that with each drivers license handed out a mandatory lobotomy is performed. In this manner we can catch potential road-ragers while they are still young. In a matter of a few years we could have calm and quiet drivers making for efficent streets and quicker commuting. Now more chaotic and noisy traffic, no more obnoxious drivers; wouldn't that be wonderful?

However, the benifits are not limited to the road. Inefficent government offices will benifit as people will actually have the patience to wait the three hours for their social insurance cards. There will be no more need for Prozac and Ridiline and teenagers will be able to numb their minds ahead of time without having to go through the stress and confusion of a drug addiction. Finally, the preserved prefrontal lobe would make a lovely conversation piece on any coffee table or desk that I think even Martha Stewart would applaud.

The opportunities are endless. There is no telling how far we could go with this idea. All I know is that the amazing benifits would be well worth the time and effort put into this campaign. For in the end, we may very well say that all it took to change the world was a scalpel and a few quick stitches.

05-19-02, 02:04 AM
That is great!!! How funny!!!!!

05-21-02, 05:51 PM
Not to mention the fact that very little "thinking" and higher thought processes at all will be taking place :)


05-21-02, 07:06 PM
which of course would make it impossible to drive. ;) I'm surprised they let me get away with that, lol. Oh the joys of gr. 8. :angel:

Flannel Avenger
05-21-02, 09:20 PM
There's already no thinking going on in government offices. They need my birth certificate to prove I was born, and my drivers license to prove I'm alive...

06-01-02, 01:08 AM

Flannel Avenger
06-01-02, 09:47 PM
So, they voided your birth, huh? I guess you're like Eve then, never born...

06-02-02, 02:44 AM

Flannel Avenger
06-02-02, 02:00 PM
So this is your third birth huh? Born, Born again in Christ, and now born again by the Canadian government?