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Orpheus42
02-18-02, 05:43 PM
This is the first poem I wrote Saturday. I'm going to type only the poem here, and then my comments in a reply.

Stars away! The first ray of sun shatters the night
Come what may, the first of day, darkness cannot withstand light
Oun pheuge, O Shades, from heaven's bright sun
As Truth sweeps o'er the horizon
Katabaine, pretender, your reign here is done
But the Author of all beauty flies on

The frost glistens the grass, fingerprints of God
Thine imprint is left on evr' wee bit o' sod
The chilled morning sounds clarion call of creation
The stones and trees humbled in hushed adoration

Come today! Come, bright Dayspring, come settle my plight
So I pray, have thy way, I am crushed and contrite
Oun erchesthe, Savior, O heaven's bright sun
Anabainete, life-giver, our time just begun
A new day, a new time, a new chance to live
A new chance to be forgiv'n, a new chance to forgive

translations:
Oun pheuge- "And so flee"
Katabaine- "go down" or "descend"
Oun erchesthe- "And so come yourself"
Anabainete "climb up" or "ascend"

Orpheus42
02-18-02, 06:00 PM
A substantial amount of effort went into this poem, and honestly that was without a lot of recognition of the effort on my part. I didn't consciously realize I was doing a lot of the things I was doing, this is just kind of how the words fell into place. I agonized over a very few words in particular, but for the most part it just flowed.

Friday morning I saw what was possibly at the time the most beautiful sunrise of my life. I got up for a walk around 6:30 am, and on my way back to the manor house in which is our school, I saw it. The ground was frosty and the grass was like crystal, and the sun was just peeking out from behind the manor- the rays enveloped the house and the trees lining the drive framed everything and it was just..... WOW. Walking back I formed the first 2 verses of the second stanza about the frost. The whole poem is based around that.

The four Greek words/phrases are not correctly conjugated, as anyone with any knowledge of Greek would immediately recognize. In the Old Testament Hebrew, often the writers would use plural forms to refer to the one, true God as a way of expressing his majesty. I have done the same; in the first stanza, referring to the pretender, I use singular forms even though "O Shades" is plural, and in the second stanza referring to Jesus I use plural verbs even though the subject is singular.

The structure of the poem is interesting. I didn't plan it, but it fell into a variation of a literary style common to the ancient Hebrews. Isaiah uses it extensively, as do other prophets. It's called chiasm, or envelope structure- the first section matches the last section, second matches second-to-last, and so on until a central section is framed. In this case, the first and third stanzas frame the second. That means that the most important part of the poem is the second stanza- adoration of the Lord. The third stanza is modified slightly, it doesn't match up line-for-line with the first. The verses using Greek words are condensed, capturing the themes but not exactly using the same rhyme schemes. This was done so I could add the final two verse coda without drastically altering the symmetry of the poem. The use of three stanzas represents the ancient divine number- three. I haven't fully explored the significance of the structure, the Lord has shown me some awesome things as I reflect upon the writing.

In a sense, the poem tells two stories. The story of sunrise as the metaphor explicitly stated in the last two verses, and the adoration of God as the central focus of the poem. I wrote the poem at a cafe called Sandbach in Llandudno, Wales. The food was AMAZING, if you ever go I recommend it most highly- I told the waitress the food was so good it inspired poetry ;) She was amused.

That's all I have to say about that, I hope I haven't killed your interest in the poem itself... sometimes I tend to over-intellectualize things- it's just that everything involved with the development and structure of the poem as I have related carries intense emotional involvement for me. I sincerely hope you like it. More importantly, I hope it brings you comfort and joy, and makes you think about the issues at hand.

Peace, Love, and Jesus Christ,

Jason

Nicole
02-18-02, 06:09 PM
before I read the comments: wow


After I read the comments: WOW!

Catholic
02-18-02, 06:32 PM
Originally posted by heavenlyprincess
before I read the comments: wow


After I read the comments: WOW!

Drats! She stole my comments!

Awesome is the next best thing I can come up with. I don't know enough to comment on the format though.

HeatherlyButterfly
02-18-02, 07:15 PM
ditto to the 2 above. ;)

Michele
02-18-02, 07:26 PM
very cool poems jason!:)

butterfly
02-18-02, 07:58 PM
Ooo, wow! :eek: