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cujo95
01-26-02, 01:23 AM
Recently I was listening to a secular radio talk show where the subject was: "How should we as parents handle teen-age drinking, drug use, and pre-marital sex."
One of the callers- a man with a now grown daughter- said that the secret to handling these teen problems is to do nothing: don't punish them, don't chase after them, don't nag or yell at them............ This man had experienced some terrible problems with his teen-age daughter; mainly drug abuse. She had been in and out of trouble with the police and in and out of drug rehab. He was just about at his wits end.

One day he went to visit his daughter at a re-hab center. And he brought he a bunch of roses and he just told her, "I love you."

He said that from that day on he had no more problems with her. She stopped taking drugs, left the re-hab, stopped getting into trouble, returned to school. And she and her dad had a great relationship from then on. This man said that you just need to let teens go through whatever they are going through. That trying to put a stop to it won't do any good, and will only make it worse. He said, "You just gotta let them know you love them. That's all a parent can do."

Needless to say, the talk show host seemed sceptical along with other callers on this show. And I too was a sceptic at first until I remembered all the trouble I had with my own daughter as a teen. I couldn't remember showing her I loved her when she was having all her drug problems. Then I remembered what she said years later as an adult: "Thanks Dad for not giving up on me, and loving me."

As I think about it now, there was nothing I could really do about all the trouble she was causing and getting into. All I really could do is love her.

Love never fails

J. Mordecai Pallant
01-26-02, 09:36 PM
With all due respect, that is not an advisable strategy as the current statistics regarding teenage crime show. The true answer is loving discipline applied from birth along with a healthy measure of morals; also from bitrh.

To be honest, I am deeply skeptical of the story you relate. It simply sounds too good to be true. I won't say outright that it is untrue, but it certainly sounds apocryphal. I'd say your initial response is justified.

Breni Sue
01-26-02, 11:28 PM
Pallant - I know your intentions may be sincere, and maybe you are not meaning to start up a debate. If that is the case then I apologize. But just as a reminder, this forum is not for debate. ;)

Lee
01-26-02, 11:50 PM
cujo,
I don't know if i would keep listening to that station! It is completely against what the bible teaches, in fact the bible say's if we don't chasten our children we dont love them. God said if he did not chasten us we were bastards and not son's. I was not brought up in a christian home and this was the line i alway's heard( do as i say , not as i do!) I believe this is the problem with most failing home's, children tend to follow what you do and not what you say to do! If we dont get some strength from God to set an example for our children of what is good and acceptible in his sight there is a good chance were going to have problems down the road!

Vinnie
01-27-02, 12:03 AM
I think Jerry's comments are fine....

J. Mordecai Pallant
01-27-02, 12:15 AM
Originally posted by ilgwamh
I think Jerry's comments are fine....

Thanks, Vinnie.

Breni Sue
01-27-02, 12:31 AM
I am sorry for jumping the gun, Pallant. But I guess I am just a little paranoid in light of the whole ODD fiasco, that's all. :)

J. Mordecai Pallant
01-27-02, 09:05 AM
Originally posted by Kyrie Eleison
I am sorry for jumping the gun, Pallant. But I guess I am just a little paranoid in light of the whole ODD fiasco, that's all. :)

Quite understandable. :D

cujo95
01-27-02, 12:09 PM
Let me see if I can clarify why I shared this story.
I shared it to encourage parents who are going through difficulties with their teens.

I agree that our children should be raised in a loving, disciplined environment. And that they should be raised according to biblical principles and teachings. But what if we don't raise them that way? Is everything forever ruined? Is there no hope for the child?

I think the point I am trying to share is that when that child becomes a teen then he or she needs to receive a different kind of love from his parent or parents.
Something that was lacking between my parents and myself was that although they loved me in their own way, they never really accepted me just the way I am. They seemed to always bring up my past in a negative way, and this is something I swore I would never do with my daughter, and have never done. Nothing can so throw cold water on a relationship between parents and their sons and daughter as bringing up the past in a negative or demeaning way.
I think that is what this caller did on this radio show. By showing his daughter her loved and accepted her just for the person she was, I think he filled a huge void in her life. Sure, he probably didn't raise her biblically with loving discipline. But he related to her something very important: That he still loved her no matter what, and that he would not bring up the past.
Now his story sounds a lot like mine and my daughter's.

But I believe there are two vital elements of love that must exist between a parent and any son or daughter: First, that you love them no matter what they have done, and second, that you will not bring up the wrongs of the past- that you will forgive and forget.
Now is this godly love? Compare this to the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-24.

Now I agree with you who say that this callers story seems far-fetched-- saying that all he had to do was bring her some roses and tell her he loved her. I think there were other things involved in her turn-around that he either does not realize or is notwilling to admit. (assuming that he is telling the truth)
I just wonder what would have happened to this girl if her dad had never told her he loved her.

By the way, this radio show is a lot like Christian message boards in that it get all kinds of opinions. This show discusses lots of subjects including Christian beliefs.. It is not a bad show.