View Full Version : sex before marriage in a committed relationship

08-12-06, 12:07 PM
hi!im facing a lot of confusion regarding this.i know the bible wants us to abstain from sex before marriage because of the commtiment implications-giving yourself to just one person-your life partner.i am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man,and we want to get married.however we will have to wait for at least a year before we can because he is at present doing an mba.once that is done,we have decided to tie the knot.i want to know if god would regard me as a sinner because we are intimately involved,even though we are committed and are devoted to one another,and plan to get married?:(

08-12-06, 04:54 PM
Well, I have found that most ppl struggle with the same problem. As a matter of fact, I was reading just this morning I Cor. 7:25-40, Paul talks about marriage and Romans 7:1 (and verses following) speak about this- Matthew 5:27-30 are the words of Jesus on this matter.
I would counsel you, if you can't wait, do like a few couples I know, slip off and get married at a Justice of the Peace, courthouse, etc. and it will cost you a very little amt., and you don't have to tell anyone that you are married until your wedding.
I had 2 couples that did this and I married them both in a big wedding, with no one the wiser, except for me.
I think it would be better for you to go ahead and make it legal, and have a service whenever you want to have it. Some of the couples I've dealt with have felt the need to seek God's blessing in the church after they married, for whatever reason, some of them not even living together until they married, and some of them did. I encourage you to do what is right, because the blessing of God is real, and when you go according to His word, you will not go wrong, and not have to worry about whether He is upset with you or not.
So, my suggestion is-do the right thing as it comes to the will of God.

08-12-06, 05:47 PM
Hello Tina welcome to ilj
There is more to God's saying no sex outside marriage than just committment issues. Beyond that many ppl who felt committed and decided that gave them grounds to live together and/or have sex have had a change of feelings in a year, 6 month, 3 months. In the non-net world I work with many single moms who were sure they would never have to raise a child alone because they and their BF were committed but one or both got uncommitted and of course they were sure there wouldn't be a baby before marriage and now there is one or 2 or 3 and paternity must be established and child support obtained and someone has to explain why daddy went away.

It goes beyond that too into the whole thing of what our relationship with God is, do we really trust Him, and who is Lord in our life. God told Adam and Eve simply don't eat of the fruit of that one tree. The serpent came along and told them God didn't really mean it and even if He did He didn't say it because He wants the best for them or is wiser than they are or has a right to make the rules. So they ate it and we all suffer the consequences. (see Genesis 3)

You are listening to the same kind of reasoning. God said no sex outside marriage. He calls sex outside marriage adultery when 1 or both are married to someone else and fornication when they are not. 1 Corinthians 6:13 says "Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. " Verse 18 of the same chapter makes it even clearer "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. Galatians 5:19&20 says "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. " Ephesians 5:3 tells us "But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; " There are a lot more but this is enough for you to see that sex before marriage even with a feeling of comittement is something God very strongly says NO about. He doesn't say don't do it unless you really want to, or don't do it unless it is economoically convenient, or don't do it unless you think you'll get married. He says don't do it. You know that sin is doing what God says not to do and not doing what God says to do. God is not just trying to deprive you of pleasure or be mean to you. He really does know what is best for you.

Who is God in your life at this point? Is He someone far off in heaven just making a lot of rules or is He your Father who cares for you so much He sent His only Son to die for you to set you free from sin and bring you into a relationship with Him? Who is Jesus Christ to you? A good man? A teacher? A historical figure? Or someone who loves you so much He willingly took your sin on Himself and died for you? Does He live in your heart? Is He Lord in your life? Is He just a fire escape or a cuss word? Do you know how much He loves you? Do you love Him? It's not just about rules it's about a relationship with God in Christ. If you are not sure you have that relationship let's talk some mpore about it.

08-13-06, 01:19 AM
Take is from someone who's been there. There is no regret greater than having sex before marriage. What a tragic mistake it is to not have that gift to give to your spouse on your wedding day.

My greatest regret is this very thing. Do the civil thing if you wish so that you aren't sinning. You can seriously damage a beautiful relationship by allowing a fleshly desire to dominate your life. If it is a truly "committed" relationship, then you should have no barrier to marriage. What you have now is not truly committed. Committment begins when the "I don't like you's begin." (Every marriage has those days) Staying with someone when the "warm fuzzies" end is real committment. A promise of marriage isn't a committment. It's just a promise and promises are often broken.

True committment comes for a woman when you disagree and still do it his way. When you are angry and dating you can get up and go home, when you are angry and married you are home and you have to get in bed next to them, even though you may wish you could knock their lights out. You lay there and listen as they snor and you fume.

I said this to earlier, real marriage and love begins when the warm (or hot) fuzzies end. The physical isn't the marriage but it is an important part and should be guarded just as you would anything you cherish.

Don't sacrifice the gift for a moment that you both will regret. Also, studies have shown that people who are physically involved before marriage have a greater incidence of divorce than those who wait for the physical until after the I do's.