View Full Version : Youth Skit - 8-tracks, Betamax and God

11-20-02, 07:58 PM
Good morning and welcome to another installment of ‘Whose Show Is It Anyway?’ the #1 rated most annoying daytime talk show. And now, please put your hands together for the person that everyone loves to hate, you-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuur host!!!

Thank you, thank you, and thank YOU! Good morning and welcome to ‘Whose Show Is It Anyway?’ We have a great show lined up for you this morning. After the terrorist attacks on September 11th, the country showed a renewed interest in religion, and to be specific, Christianity. As we close in on the new millennium, we would like to explore where God fits into our society, into our lives and if there is any relevancy left in God and religion.

Now it’s time to introduce our 3 guests this morning.

First is the noted atheist, Mr. Noah T. Hall. Mr. Hall is a respected author and is the founder of the fast growing pro-evolution society, the ‘Guardians Of Our Benevolent Evolution Reform’.

Next is the noted New Age author, Ms. Amy Thist.

Ms. Thist:
Please, call me Mother Amy.

Ohhhhhh-Kay. “Mother” Amy is best known for her New York Times best selling book “We Are All Clover In The Field of Life.”

And last, but certainly not least, is noted theologian, Rev. Ewell B. Lost.

Rev. Laust:
That’s Laust.

(Quickly) Right.

Well, let’s get things started. I will ask a couple of questions to the panelists, and then we will go out into the audience. Each panelist will be allowed to answer each question.

OK, my first question is a real basic one. “Is There A God?” And we’ll start with you, Rev. Lost.

Rev. Laust:
That’s Laust.

Anyway, a simple question needs only a simple answer. Yes, there is a God. And only one God. Omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent.

(Mr. Hall gives a sarcastic laugh/chuckle)

Mr. Hall, your thoughts?

Mr. Hall:
Not my thoughts, what I know. There is no god. We humans dreamt him up in order to feel better about death and dying. There’s only us, space and science in order to figure it all out. All the rest is just a fairy tale to help our children sleep better at night.

Interesting. Ms. Thist, your opinion?

Ms. Thist:
“Mother” Amy, if you would please.

There is a higher power. But it’s not this mean, vengeful god of the Christians. It’s the state of higher consciousness that each person may reach.

All that exists is god and god is all that exists. God is not revealed in a sacred text or exists in a remote heaven; god is found within the self and throughout the entire universe.

Simply put, we all have a bit of god in each of us and all of us make up god.

Great. Now my follow-up question. Why is your belief the right, or correct, belief?

‘Mother’ Amy, back to you.

Ms. Thist:
Thank you.

There are 2 reasons, really.

1) As you know, there really is no firm definition of New Age. It encompasses several different philosophies. And some of these pre-date Christianity and other organized religions by thousands of years. Our spiritualism is one of, if not THE, oldest belief structure known to man.

2) We believe in enlightenment and tolerance. Since all is god, we believe that there is only one reality, and that all religions are simply different paths to that ultimate reality. There is no ‘one way’ or ‘one right way’. All are welcome and all belong.

Mr. Hall, your response?

Mr. Hall:
It’s real simple. Proof. Where is the proof of a ‘god’? There isn’t any! Where is Noah’s Ark? Where are the 10 commandments? All myths and fables!

Yet look at all the scientific proof for evolution and the big bang theory. Now we’re talking truths! Let’s face it; atheism is the ONLY belief for the thinking person.

Rev. Laust:
(Slow and reflective)
Well, unlike my fellow panelists here, I find that my answer is a little more difficult to put into words.

I could just say that God Was, Is and always Shall Be. But… (Pause) I don’t think that’s what you are looking for.

I think it has to do with that nagging feeling that something is missing in our lives without God.

Most of the time we are too busy with our lives to notice it.

But at night, when we are in bed with only our thoughts to keep us company, we know that something is missing. That for some reason… despite our wealth and/or popularity, there is still something that is preventing us from fully being happy. And, if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that it’s beyond our own ability to solve this problem. That we can’t fill this need by ourselves. And, if we continue to be honest with ourselves, we also know that science isn’t the answer to our questions. That there is just entirely too much for science to adequately explain.

When you add all of this up, the only thing that answers our needs is… God.

Great. Some good stuff there from our panelists. It’s time, now, to head out into our audience to see what questions they have.

Audience member 1:
Hi! My question is, when things are going bad for you, what gets you out of bed in the morning?

Good question. Panelists?

(Ms. Thist starts to answer, but Mr. Hall talks over her and gives his answer. Ms. Thist gives Mr. Hall a grieved look.)

Mr. Hall:
That’s an easy one. The alarm clock gets me out of bed. Then a big cup of caffeine.

No, really. I have a job to go to and bills to pay. Life isn’t going to wait for me, so I need to get up and go get it. Look, I make my own successes & failures. There is no invisible, mythological, all-powerful ‘thing’ that controls me. I have to go out and do things on my own.

Ms. Thist:
When things are getting tough, I consult either my tarot cards or my horoscope to see if things are going to get better soon. If not, I can always use my crystals to help heal and energize me.

Rev. Laust:
Quite simply it’s my faith that helps me through the tough times. God never promised us an easy time. Suffering is to be expected, and even looked forward to. Paul wrote ‘because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example so that you should follow in his steps’.

But we can always find peace in the Lord. The Psalmist wrote ‘Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me in a broad place. With the Lord on my side I do not fear. What can mortals do to me?’

Faith and God’s love help me get up and get going when life throws a curveball at me.

OK. I see another person with a question.

Audience member 2:
Speaking of love, what does love mean to each of you?

(Ms. Thist AGAIN starts to answer, but Mr. Hall talks over her and gives his answer. Ms. Thist now gives Mr. Hall a look ‘to kill’.)

Mr. Hall:
Another easy one. Love is my new BMW. Love is the size of my paycheck and my large screen TV. Love is also my girlfriends and a good bottle of wine. Love is what makes you feel good.

Ms. Thist:
(Responding to Mr. Hall) Hmmmph!

Democritus wrote, “Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold. The feeling of happiness dwells in the soul.”

Love is the binding force that connects and holds us to each other. Love is the happiness we find as we find enlightenment.

Rev. Laust:
(Laughs gently) Well, that’s kind of close to what I believe. Love is what God has for us and what we should have for God and each other. In the book of Matthew, Christ tells us that the greatest commandment is that ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ He then follows with ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’

(Mr. Hall laughs derisively at Rev. Laust)

You have a comment, Mr. Hall?

Mr. Hall:
Well, there you go again quoting the Bible.

Rev. Laust:

Mr. Hall:
Jeez, I’ve never understood how you guys can believe in a book that has so many blatant fallacies and contradictions in it. You’re so gullible!

Rev. Laust:
There are no fallacies or contradictions in the Bible. Sometimes we…

Mr. Hall:
Yeah? Well explain why in the books of Matthew and Mark, Christ goes to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray 3 times, while in the book of Luke, he only goes once!

Rev. Laust:
(Smiles and replies softly. He’s been through these conversations before and Mr. Hall has just made a big mistake.) Does the book of Luke say he doesn’t go 3 times? Or does it just mention one of the times?

Mr. Hall:

Rev. Laust:
You know, I get this a lot. People who think they can ‘disprove’ the Bible. But most of the times it’s just a matter of reading the proper context, or even just reading the correct verses!

Mr. Hall:
(Angry, almost out of his seat) Are you saying I can’t read! I know what the context is!

Rev. Laust:
(Trying to soothe) Hold on, all I’m trying to say is that…

Mr. Hall:
(Interrupting, still very angry) I know what you’re trying to say! You’re insulting…

Ms. Thist:
(She’s had enough of this arguing, and stands up to try to calm things down) Hey, calm down! We’re all adults here. Let’s try to have a nice discussion. Remember love is the force…

(Mr. Hall and Rev. Laust look at each other, nod their heads and both say): Sit down!

(Ms. Thist gives a little, frustrated scream and sits down very dramatically)

Mr. Hall:
(not missing a beat) But what kind of a ‘god’ lets little kids die, huh? Why does he allow…

(Sensing he’s about to lose control of his show, he jumps in and breaks up the argument) OK! Great discussion.

(Mr. Hall shoots the Host a nasty look)

We’re starting to run out of time, so let’s go one last time out into our audience for our final question.

Audience member 3:
Yes, speaking of evil, which was what Mr. Hall was getting to, how do you explain within your belief structure how/why the terrorist attacks on 9-11 happened?

(All of the panelists are a bit speechless about this question. After a bit of time, Rev. Laust speaks up.)

Rev. Laust:
(Softly, but with a passion) Well, I know I’ll get an ‘earful’ for this, but…

I believe we have to share some of this blame.

(an almost gasp can be heard from the panelists)

We’ve thrown God out of our public squares and our schools. We destroy 40 million innocent babies year. We’ve made God mad at us. God will not be mocked. I blame all people who have tried to secularize America. I point a finger at the pagans and the abortionists, the ACLU and other atheists and I say “you helped this happen.”

(Pandemonium breaks out. Mr. Hall and Ms. Thist turn angrily to Rev. Laust and begin to argue with him (both at the same time!))

Ms. Thist:
You are SO wrong! This is about evil and the choices we make…

Mr. Hall:
There you go again, hating and blaming people for being different…

(The 3 continue to argue back and forth. Let’s face it, this show is out of control. And then a voice from above can be heard trying to break into the din…)

(Normal voice)
Excuse me.

(A little louder)
Excuse me!

(Booming – THIS is the voice of God!)

(The argument screeches to a halt. All of the panelists are looking up in surprise, amazement, and, yes, a little fear. When Rev. Laust realizes that it is God talking, he adopts a pose of contrition.)

(God pauses for effect, than starts in again. He is a bit angry at what has been happening.)
Always with you humans it’s this attempt to dissect, categorize, explain and dismiss me.
“Why did God do this?”
“Why did God allow that to happen?”

The finite can never fully comprehend the infinite!

(Booming voice, full of anger and admonition)
My ways are not your ways!

(Pause again, now gently. It’s time to teach.)
Now…, let me point something out to you.

(pause, and then almost poetic)
After September 11th, when your eyes were blinded with your tears…
When your mind was numb and unable to explain or comprehend…

What did you do?

Where did you turn?

What gave you peace and strength?

(Picking up energy)
When your intellect and pride were stripped from you, where did you return?

(Angry, like a parent correcting a disrespectful child)
You stubborn and prideful beings!

(Less angry, but full of passion and pain)
Have you no idea how much I love you? Do you know how much it hurts when you turn away from me? When you attempt to trivialize, marginalize, minimize, dismiss or replace me?

I made you to be a part of me and you are not whole without me.

That’s that ache you feel…

That empty feeling you have when you turn away from me.

Without me, there is a part of your soul missing.

Yet I watch as you vainly try to fill it with other things.

You try money, power, material things, sex, drugs and even the adulation of yourself.

(Pause, then a kind of ‘I told you so’ tone)
But of course, none of these work.

The atheist…
(Mr. Hall looks up)

…attempts to fill the hole with himself.
(Mr. Hall looks back down, ashamed.)

The new age person…
(Ms. Thist looks up)

…tries to fill it with just about anything.
(Ms. Thist looks back down, ashamed.)

Well, garbage in equals garbage out.

(Back to being a bit angry. God is admonishing us.)
And do you think that you can outlast your need for me? That, somehow, this hole will close over time?

What typical vain and prideful thoughts!

(Booming, the voice of God!)
I am eternal.

(pause, and now gently, with love)
And my love for you is also eternal.

If you want to fill that ache in your soul, all you need do is turn to me.

I’ve done all the work that is necessary.

(With even more love, if that is possible!, with a touch of pleading (but JUST a touch!))
I love you and I longed for your return to me so much so that I willingly, and gladly, gave you the blood of my own son.

I have built the bridge the crosses the chasm that you created between us.

(with as much passion as possible, for this is the key)
All you need to do is walk across it.

There is no need for you to continue to hurt as you do.

Stop filling yourself with garbage that pollutes your soul.

Come to me and find the peace and love that you yearn for

(pause, the final words)
For I am your Lord… and only I can fill your needs.

(The panelists retreat sheepishly. The skit is now over and the chairs/stools need to be put back out of the way. At this point the pastor should come forward for an altar call.)

11-20-02, 08:20 PM
I like this on several different levels including the idea that the real answers come in actually talkine to and listening to God not just talking about Him.

11-20-02, 08:26 PM
That's awesome. :)