confused, tragedy,sexual issues,

[1vision17]

I have so many issues I am not sure where to start. First off I believe in Jesus Christ and want to be the christian that the lord wants me to be, that is a close relationship with him. I have had so many events happen to me over the past 20 years I feel like giving up. I dont feel like I can discuss these issues with anyone and especially not a pastor. Everytime I start to bring up a sexual issue with a pastor, either mine or others they seem to shy away from those subjects.
I have been addicted to sex or pornography since I was a teenager the thoughts of lust are always there and I try to repent and turn from the sin but I eventually give into desires again and feel guilty and worthless.
I married a girl when I was young who was like me, she partied loved sex and I went into the military. Needless to say we were not faithful to each other but I was dishonest with her and did not let her know of my activities but unjustly accused her and eventually caught her with other men. I wanted a divorce but deep down I still loved her. She left and moved back to her parents where she got really wild with drugs and alcohol trying to escape from all the pain, Im sure. She had an accident after that
and sustained a brain injury which left most of her body not functioning and the mind of a small child. I felt guilty and remained married to her and prayed often, but it didnt seem to help .I was 23 at the time she was 21 I arranged for many rehabs but she never made much progress. I cried many nights not knowing why this had to happen. I eventually dated other women but stayed married so she would have medical benefits and I still loved her deeply. After 7 years I turned 30 and her parents sued for divorce so they could have sole dicision making power over her as well as her assets .
I met my present wife one year later and she and I wanted the same thing, a family, children, stability. I was not a regular member of a church but I wanted my wife to know God and she soon became saved. I still had skeletens in my closet as for as sexual addictions , pornograghy, prostitutes. My wife got pregnant and we lost that baby it was devastating and then we got our first girl and three years later a second girl. But problems with our marriege started to erupt, I was jealous and should have been more understanding and looked at my own faults but eventually things surfaced about my wife. She had some sort of sexual talk or dealings with my father then later after I found out that I found out she had an affair with my friend in our house and I asked for a divorce. But the kids were important to me and it looked like I would lose them so I put off the divorce .
I started immersing myself in the bar scene and it was not long before I met someone and I justified it because of what she had done. we partied for about 2 months and then one morning I was late for coming home which made my wife late and i got a funny feeling things were not right . the roads were icy. I went past an accident and asked someone about it then realized it was my wife and 2 kids. the kids were fine but she had suffered a brain injury and loss of blood and numerous other injuries. I was so much in disbelief then shock then horror for weeks all I did was scream this could not be right ive already been through this before .Then the guilt of 2 wifes it must be my fault in some way, I just wanted to die and would have if it was not for my 2 kids and the people God sent to me. I started attending church and got renewed in his presence and maintained faith God will heal my wife who remains in a vegetative state.
It has been over 18 months and I have got weary in my faith and weak with sexual temptations and I feel worthless all over again and guilty that my whole life has contributed nothing good and that I must not be worthy of being a christian. >>>>I know the enemy can put these attacks in my mind but I dont have any defense I feel lonely, defeated, depressed, confused, and my wife is in such a pitiful state it makes me so sad then I have 2 little girls to think about I just want to give up it is too much for me to take, I have daily migraines intense pain that occurs every day and has been chronic for 15 years why does my wife have to suffer, why do I have to suffer, why do prayers go unanswererd like no one heard them, .......................what shoul I do when it seems hopeless and I turn to God and it still seems hopeless?


please answer these hard questions,
thank you

[grandpa]

:angel: :wah: My Dear Young Brother. Grandpa Here. The controling Moderator on this Board is Mizz Ann. She once made the statement to someone who had some bad problems--The problems and the situation that you are in did not happen overnight-- or some words to that effect. NOW--The solution to your family dilemmas can not be worked out in a post on an innernet board or be cured in a weeks time. BUT--We can start here--now and try to get something working that will help. First, I believe that you are saved by the Blood of Jesus. Now--You need to be filled with The Holy Spirit. As you read this, Ask god to do this,,Fill you with His Holy Spirit. Put your hands on the screen and ask. As I am typing this, I stop and ask this for you.

Next. You need someone near to talk to. Look aroung--Ask around and try to find a good Loving Church where you feel comfortable. Where do some of your friends go?? Check it out. Look for a good spirit filled person who can give you some good Councelling Guidance. Do you have any family members that you can put your trust in? How about fellow co-workers? I dont know but you do.

Next: There are some things that YOU can do. Put all porno material out of your house along with all liquor and illegal drugs. Also--God does hear Your prayers but maybe you have not been listening to good to God. The Lord does not tell people to cultivate the bar thing or ignore their family.

This is about the best that I can do at present. Do not just give up and go away. Keep us informed. Let us know how you are doing. We are here to help if we can. Spend as much time as you can with your family. You-all need it together. Agape. Grandpa. :) :D :cool:

[Ann]

Hello and welcome to ilj
You are right many pastors tend to shy away from some issues. Our belief here is that things get better only when you face them, call them what they are (which is usually sin in one form or another), don't try to whitewash them, realize the penalty for sin is death and eternal seperation from God and also see that Jesus paid this penalty for us by dying the most agonozing of deaths on the cross, taking the full force of our sin and the punishment we deserve for us because He loves us. We see that our sin killed the only 100% righteous man who ever lived and we see that because of His love for us and of His righteousness He rose again to prove that our sin can be 100% removed by the power of His blood. That's radical I know but that's what it takes to save us. And the further down in sin we have been the more we realize that whitewashing it won't do. Telling us not to feel guilty is plain stupid. We are guilty and unless we anesthetize ourselves with sex or substance we are going to feel guilty until and unless we accept the Lord Jesus Christ personally as the one who has born our guilt. Then and only then we can find relief in Him.

I know from your post that you have tried to be a Christian and to lead a good life. Have you ever asked Jesus to come into your heart and cleanse you of all sin? If you have not done this then that is the first step in getting your life to where you can stand to deal with it. If you have asked Him to be your Savior and them blown it ask Him to forgive you and cleanse you once again. Grandpa is right you also need the power of the Holy Spirit full force. Not just a little a full imersion. Ask God to help you see that and read Acts 2 for more understanding. Jesus said we will receive power when the Holy spirit comes on us. You'll find that in Acts 1:8. He was talking to people who were already saved but what a difference in their lives when they received that power!

Lance one of the owners of this site wrote an article on overcoming sexual addiction that I think will help you. Just click on this link http://www.ilovejesus.com/befree/pnarticle.html

When patterns seem to repeat themselves especially really bad patterns there can be spiritual roots and doors that give the devil access to come in and attack us. The sex and porn stuff may be an open door or just a symptom of a deeper root. Whichever it is you can get free of it in Jesus. Here is a link to a ministry that helps people get free in Christ They counsel a lot by net. www.firemountain.cc. You may want to check that out too.

As grandpa said you need to be part of a caring group of believers who teach and live God's word in love and in power. If the church where you have gone does not offer you this please look for one that does. And please give your little girls as strong a support system as you can. Encourage family members who really care to spend time with them, encourage Christian friends to help you out, pray for them and with them. and really be there for them. This next may sound hard and heavy but be very protective of those liitle ones. Where there has been a family history of sexual problems there seems to be a spirit that wants to make kids the victims so be careful who you leave them with, who is around them, what they see on TV, protect them from any net sites you have watched, from explicit videos etc. A net filter for the girls may help you too.

I know you need more than this post but this is probably about all you can possibly absorbe at once. Please work on these things first and post back any time. We want to be here for you and help.

Father please help this man and his family. He speaks of going through some very hard things, things no one could get through without Your help. Please do help him. Help him to read Your word and apply it to his life. Help him to have friends and family who will stand with him. and most of all help him to receive Jesus and all the benefits all the freedom from guilt, all the power over sin that Jesus died to give him. Please help his wife recover. Please watch over these little girls and elp them know Your love and Your protection. Thank You.