i have a question on dating

[Unregistered]

I have a question about dating.
im 14 a chrisitan and i have a b/f.
i wanted to know how far you can go and its okay...
like i dont belive in having sex before you are married but
is like kissing wrong? i mean.. its just hard to explain what im trying to get at. what im trying to ask, is it wrong for me to be kissing and being a christian? my relationship with my b/f isint anything sexual exsept for hugging and holding hand's and the normal b/f g/f thing. just can somebody try to explain to me if ya understand what im trying to get at? thanks!

completly confused!

[grandpa]

:angel: Hi. Grandpa Here. I have read your post several times and will try to go through it as I give an answer to your questions.

You are 100% right about holding back on the bedroom activities until you and the "man" have "Tied the Knot" (Humor). The Sexual thing before marriage is a destroyer. There is a story of this in 2 Samuel Chapter 13. Amnon a son of David wanted his half sister and she said that King David would give her to him for the asking (vs 13). After a forceable seduction, The Bible says that he hated her. Things went down hill after that. Please read this chapter carefully.

I think that it is o.k. to kiss your Gentleman Friend if that is as far as it goes. However that is as far as it should go. I know that people are saying that "The times--They are a changing." True. My point is that age 14 is a bit young. My dearest Child--Do not rush things. You will be out of High School almost before you know it. Get out of H.S. if you can Single and Childless. There is a big beautiful world out there, Jobs, College, Travel, ect. As sweet and wonderful as babies are, They are a heavy load for a H.S. Girl. Stay Single long enough to remember it later on life. My wife and I were grocery shoping once about 20 years ago (I shall never forget this). We began talking to a young mom about her several children. During the conversation, she said that she had been married at 16 and that she just about could not ever remember "Not being Married".
Take care. Stay in Touch. May the Lord Bless You Greatly. Agape. Grandpa.:) :D :biggrin: :cool:

P.S. I hope this helps. Grandpa.:)

[trixiepup]

I don't know if this will be posted, but I felt like responding to your question about dating.

I strongly encourage you to keep physical signs of affection between the two of you to the minimum. It's easy to get into the habit of showing physical affection, and it's easy for it to become routine and normal. Once you get used to holding hands, it's hard to go back to not holding hands. It's the same way with kissing, etc.

In my experience (as well as several of my friends) relationships are so much easier to deal with when they do not have sex involved. I've seen too many friends break up because of reasons that eventually go back to sex in some way.

I have no problem with dating, but just watch out for yourself. The guy you are dating at this point in your life may not be the guy you want to marry as you get older. Focus on becoming the person God wants you to be.

good luck.

[Ann]

Hello and welcome to ilj
The best way to answer your question is for you to consider every date as a three-some, you, your BF and Jesus. Jesus lives in you so whereever you are He is with you. So you would not want to do anything on a date that you would not do if Jesus was standing right there in person because He is.

Holding hands, hugging - regular hugs not pressing bodies together as a turn on, and maybe light kissing are OK as long as neither his nor your parents have not made rules about this. Avoid doing things that make you want to see how much you can do to be sexually stimulating without "going all the way". Turning each other on in that way as a game and as a way of starting to experience sexual pleasure outside marriage pushes you into wanting more and more and puts you under tension even if you do not 'have sex". Necking and petting (sexual touching even if it is above the waist) are not good to do because your body is designed for those things to be a preparation for more sexual desire. And from this you can easily figure out that anything more sexual is even more inappropriate.

Sometimes the best way to date is to go places and do things with a group of people who have the same standards and values you and your BF have. Sometimes it is good to do things with one or both of your families. The idea is to be together without giving a lot of room for the temptations that come when a couple is alone together a lot. You want to avoid things like being alone at one of your houses a lot, watching "turn on" movies and tapes, hanging out a lot with peole who have different ideas about right and wrong and like to pressure other people to do what they are doing and of course avoid drinking or drugs.

One of the most important things you can do right now is to learn how to really be friends with a boy. As you mature you will discover more and more that relationships based on friendship as well as "romance" and attraction are the ones that really last. When we talk with people who have a good marriage they almost always say sometime in the conversation that their husband or wife is also their best friend. People who put all or most of their emphasis on feeling romantic emotionally or feeling attracted to the other person physically generally run into problems when they hit tough times in life. The deep caring about each other that comes wth real friendship plus the grace of God is what gets people through the tough times when neither of them is glamerous or a whole lot of fun right then.

There is a book called "I kissed dating good-by" that you and your BF may want to read seperately or together. It talks about the problems that can come with some parts of the American dating scene and how to avoid them. There is also an organization I really believe every single person should know about called "True Love Waits".http://www.lifeway.com/tlw/

Pleae feel free to post again anytime and let us know how you are doing.

Is it OK if I post this in teen scene too? A couiple of people who don't normally post answers here have things they'd like to share with you.