update

[unregistered]

I guess I'm out of the idea. I just thought that i'd update you guys. It seems like the thought will never go away. It probably won't either. But, I'm still thinking that it really is the only way out of things. I jsut wish that I could understand more about why I feel so worthless. All I know is that I feel this way because I keep messing up. I keep making the same mistakes. i keep sinning and sinning. I want to stop. Theres nothing I would rather do. But I'm just not strong enough. I really letting God down. Do you really think that he could still love me? Do you think he does now? I wish I could understand more, but I cant. Sorry if I seem vague. I'm trying to understand it myself.

Does anybody know anything I can do? I feel so helpless. Please, pray for my too if you can. Thanks.

[grandpa]

:angel: :) My Dearest Child: It is the purpose of this board and most all associated with it to be as positive and uplifting as possible. NOW!! Lift up your head and smile. God Loves You!! He really does. He loves all. If He did not, I would crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after me. You are valuable. You count and must not constantly be puting your self down. To Continue!! If you are thinking about pulling the plug on your life, DON'T. I have said this before and here it is again. Many people simply do not realize the finality of death. It is over forever on this side. Personally--I like it pretty good here. Where there is life--There is hope.

On We Go!! You are not worthless!!:D Do you have a Church Family to lean on?? If not hunt one. Ask around. Look around! Where do the people go to church that seem to be happy and satisfied?? If you visit a church and just do not seem to fit--Go visit another.

You mentioned "Messing Up" and "Making Mistakes".
My dearest Child--In this life, the club of perfection is pretty small. Mistakes?? In my life, I have made some August Boners. Messing Up?? I could write books on Blunders.
So what do you and I do?? Get up and keep going.

Now I want to discuss the Sinsational Subject of Sin. My opinions: Sin is not necessarily the many errors and mistakes that we make through life. It is not necessarily "Foot In Mouth Disease". It is not necessarily the stumbles and slips that we make on this road of existence.
Sin is a "way of life" for the lost and unsaved.
Now--You say that you are not strong enough. Dear Child--None of us are. Not me or anyone who is led by the Holy Spirit of God. Our Strength comes from Jehovah God, His Son Jesus Christ of Nazareth and the Holy Spirit of God, The Great Comforter.
You are not letting God Down and He really does love You.
Here is what to do: In a message to another person some time ago, Mizz Ann made the statement that this person did not get where they were overnight. Or words to that effect. I do not what you have been doing or not doing. SO: I am considering that you are Saved. NOW--I am going to ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit--Right Now. As you read this-You ask him to fill you with his Holy Spirit too. Thank God for this wonderful Gift. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Get into Church. Sunday Morning, Sunday Night, A mid week bible study if possible. Talk to the people in church and ask for advise from people whom you trust.

Keep on Looking Up. Do not just go away. Keep us posted. We care. Agape. Grandpa. :) :D :cool:

[Ann]

Hello
Welcome back.
First suicide is not a solution it is a step into a worse place. You are able to tell right from wrong so you do know murder including self murder is wrong and does not honor God. That makes it very unlikely that if you leave earth by killing yourself you would end up in heaven. And if you think you have trouble now read up on what hell is like- unending fire, torment and eternal seperation from God. That is not the road you need to travel! I know that sounds hard but it is reality. Things are bad now but making them worse will not improve them.

While you are breathing there is hope.

I can't say I know the exact hurt you are going through but I do know about seemingly never ending thoughts of suicide. Sometimes in those years I had to actually look down at my wrist to be sure there was not a knife already there. The things in my life that opened the doors so wide for this may have been different that the ones in your life but one thing I have learned and that is that there is nothing you are doing that God didn't already know about before the foundation of the world and that was not paid in full by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ when He died on the cross for you. You are not alone. He is with you. And yes He still loves you. Jesus loves you so much that if you were the only person who needed a Savior He would still gladly have died for you alone.

Your post could have been written by a young woman I talked with this afternoon. I don't think it was but it could have been. Her struggle is drugs and the things she does to get them. You know the specifics of your own battles with sin. She and I have prayed and cried and cried and prayed and still there have been falls and this specific crash has had her down for several months. She said today "but I only want better sometimes. I only feel the pain when I'm not high". The enemy has told her that because she has sinned again she is no use to God and that if she were really sorry she'd be better without a struggle, without any ups and downs. Some well meaning people have said that to her too and probably some not so well meaning people too. I wonder if you have heard that too either from people or just inside yourself.

Here is something another person wrote. It was not originally in English so I'll kind of give you just the sense of it
There is nothing good in me. I want to do good but I can't do it. I end up doing evil that I hate. Sin lives in me. It seems like a law, when I want to do good I sin instead. My heart wants God and I want to do what He wants but my body ends up a captive to sin. I am wretched. Who can help me?

That sounds a lot like what you have been going through doesn't it?

Then he wrote I thank God I have help in Jesus Christ even while sin is working in my flesh my spirit will serve God. There is no more condemnation. Jesus took care of my sin.

The man who wrote this was named Paul. I know you have heard of him. God used him to help share the gospel of Christ to much of the world. He wrote a lot of the New Testament by the inspiriation of the Holy Spirit. The quote above is from Romans 7 and the begining of Romans 8. And the reason I'm sharing it with you is for you to understand that someone who felt as hopeless about their sin as you do could be loved by God and used by God. Paul did not write that when he was just getting saved, He had walked with Christ, preached Christ, seen churches grow and still he struggled. But He made a choice. He chose not to accept the condemnation, the bad feeling that he would always be a sinful failure, but to walk in the freedom and the power of the Lord Jesus Christ. You can make a choice like that. Walking with God does not mean never falling. It means believing God can pick you up again.

And you know the great part. When our sins are covered with the blood of Christ they are not just covered they are 100% washed away like a strawberry jelly stain bleached completely out of a white napkin so completely you can't even tell where it was.

I don't remember if I have mentioned this to you before or not but Pastor Les and Mighty Warrior who sometimes post answers on this board also counsel people by net and email and help them find the roots of things that seem to have a hold on their life, apply the blood of Jesus to the roots of them and get rid of them. If you would like to get in touch with them the email is exmin@alltel.net.

I will be praying for you and believing God to help you. Please do keep posting back to us. I want to know how you are doing and what the Lord is teaching you.

I thought you'd probably want to read what Paul wrote in the Bible's words not just my summary so here it is.
Romans 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but [how] to perform that which is good I find not.
Rom 7:19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Rom 7:20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
Rom 7:23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Rom 7:24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
Rom 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Rom 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
Rom 8:3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh