ummm

[sarah4Jesus]

Ok-
I have this, uh....problem with cutting myself. Lately.. it has gotten better (only by the grace of God and prayers of a select few people) but I'm wondering.. should this be something I talk to my pastor about.. so that someone knows what's going on with me? If I tell him, does he have to keep it between just us??

One more question.. do you think... a person should not stay in an abusive situation... under any circumstances?? It's' a long story on this one... but I'm pretty stuck.


Thanks!
Sarah

[grandpa]

:angel: :wah: Dearest Sarah. Grandpa Here. Cutting yourself is a big bad problem. Stop it--NOW. We care for you and Love you. You are a precious valuable person. You should be talking to someone you trust about this "Now". Hunt someone. Look for someone. Get help from a person you trust. Do you have a loving Church family that you can go to?? If not--How about the church family of a friend or one that You have heard of??

Next: Abusive situations should not be tolerated whether it is physical, emotional, or verbal. Get away, somehow. There is no reason to stay in something like this. Are you of age? Over 18? If so, Get to someone you can trust.

Do not just go away. Keep us informed. We care. Agape. Grandpa.
***************

Other Moderators: Render more assistance if you can. This is the best I can do. Grandpa.

[Ann]

Helo Sarah
God bless you.
I've seen your posts on the prayer board and been concerned for you. I am glad you have stopped cutting and are begining to find grace in Christ Jesus to deal with hurts in other ways. It may be a good idea to talk with your pastor about the situation especially since you seem to feel that you should do so. You should make an appointment and specifically say that you need to talk to the pastor about something that you want to have kept conficential. Many pastors have a policy of having their spouse or a trusted assistant present when talking with someopne of the opposite gender so there can be no opportunities for anyone to gossip so don't be suprised if your pastor does things that way. The person who assists the pastor in this way is as much responsible to keep things confidential as the pastor is.

The second question is one that you need God's wisdom to answer. He promises that if we ask for wisdom He will always give it and not fuss at us for needing to ask (James 1:5). If you are being hurt and especially if you feel you are at risk of serious injury then yes you should ask God to help you to find a way to escape safely. One of the things about abusive situations is that the person who is being abused often feels trapped. Sometimes it is just that they are so afraid and upset that they can't see beyoind what is happening and sometimes the person doing the abusing deliberately wants them to feel trapped and hopeless so they think there is no choice but to put up with the hurting. There are many ways to get help to get out of an abusive situation. There are ways to help others to get out or to take someone with you that you are afraid to leave behind like a child or a sibling. In some places the humane society will even make special boarding arrangements for a pet so it is not left with someone who is abusive if the owner has to flee from a violent situation.

I've looked at your web page - it looks great by the way - and from that if it is pretty much up to date I make a guess that this may be something different than domestic violence type between husband and wife or live in. It still may be useful to you to talk to the people at the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or go to their web page http://www.ndvh.org/ There is a special link there on teens and young adults and dating violence and tips for kids living with violence as well as information showing how to find help in your local area. There is even a place to click when you go to the site so that it does not show up in your internet history if you don't want anyone to know you visited the site.

You may also find it helpful to talk to your pastor about the situation or to a counselor at school. If you are concerned about the safety of your siblings if you leave they or the domestic violence hotline can give you ideas on helping to keep them safe. If violence is happening to the point you feel you are in danger get out first and plan later. Call the police, go to a shelter, stay with a friend or relative. If you feel that violence may happen or you may get hurt and especially if you were hurt before plan ways to get away and be safe. This can include leaving a change of clothes at work or at a friends, having some money on hand (maybe hidden in a shoe or somewhere like that) so you have a way to go somewhere, thinking of safe places to stay or of a public place you can get to quickly since people are less inclined to be abusive in public, seting up a code word or signal with friende or family members so they know when there is danger and can get out or get help.

Sarah no one has a right to injure you, threaten you, put you down, make you do things you don't want to do. God cares very much about you and He does not want you to be hurt. Please email me or poswt again if you want to talk about your specific situation and ways to decide what to do and how to do it. I won't try to say you have to do this or that but maybe I can help you decide what is best for you. At least I can listen and pray.