Posting back about Annorexia/other stuff

[Unregistered]

Hey.

I want to say that my life has been changed 180 and im not thinking about suicide anymore or annorexia. But I'd be lying, so I'm here to update you guys.

I have been doing the suggested idea from Ann, and it has been working. And I have changed my ideas a little. But I still think about suicide, still think about what it would be like if I was a lot skinner.

To answer some questions I got the last time I posted.
I'm normal for my weight and height according to my doctor. I do eat...most of the time. I have a friend, one of my best friends whose gone through annorexia and that's probably why the thoughts have mostly gone away about that topic.

But, the suicide idea is almost worse. I don't want to die sometimes, but then again, things get so bad and they all seem to come at once, or at least memories of things seem to hurt and come back to me when im thinking about suicide. I wish I could say that I would never be able to kill myself and maybe i wouldn't, but the thing is, I'm not sure. And that's probably what scares me the most.

I can't tell my parents because they would probably throw me in some mental place. I don't want to be seperated. I just want someone to love me and when my parents seem to force things on me, it makes it worse. They don't understand that all I need is for them to recognize me sometimes. And when I try to make them see my view points, it goes in one ear and out the other. They don't listen to me. I'm starting to feel like I'm invisible in my house. They just don't understand and I'm not just saying that because I'm a teenager. I really mean it. They don't understand. I'm too different from them for them to realize what's going on.

Besides, I'm young anyway. If I told them about anything they'd say that I didn't know what I was talking about and that I have to listen to them because they know what their talking about. And maybe they do, but they don't listen to whats really going on.

I'll leave now, I've complained enough.. sorry about that.

[grandpa]

:angel: My dearest Child in Jesus: Here is a few comments on your post.

We do not 'look down' on you for your few years. We love and care for you.
You are not complaining. We are here to help, aid, and assist however we can.
Here is a few thoughts on the annorexia thing. Food does not just keep the body going. Food is a nourisher of the brain cells. To keep your brain, mind, and mental faculties going, the food you eat does this. You need to be taking a vitamin supplement also. Vitamins are not food, we need to know this. Come to us anytime you want too. Agape. Grandpa.

A Blessing: The Lord bless you and keep you:
The Lord make His face to shine upon you
and be gracious to you:
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
and give you Peace.

Father, I ask in Jesus Name that you rebuke the devil out of this persons life. Fill this person afresh with your Holy Spirit of Wisdom, Insight, and Understanding. Bless with the Peace that passes all understanding. Grandpa.

[Ann]

Hello again I'm glad you posted back.
No appology needed, that's part of what friends and brothers and sisters in the Lord are for, to vent to and to share concerns so we can get some help. I'm glad some of this is a little better but I am concerned that the suicidal thoughts are still giving you a bad time. I think every human being ever created needs to know that there are people who care about her (or him) and will listen and pray when we need it. And for most of us the people we most want to have listen and care are our family. When our families don't seem to care or maybe can't care because of their own problems and situations we need to reach out and find other people who do care. Those other people may be a church family, close friends, teachers, counselors or people who have learned we care about them and start to care about us in return. And most of all we need to remember that God cares more than any person ever can.

I can give you 100 reasons why you should not take your life from the fact that God loves you so much He sent Jesus to give His life for you, (John 3:16) to pointing out that it's pretty impossible to obey Romans 12:1 and present your body to God as a living sacrifice if you are not living, to telling you that you would certainly get your parent's attention that way but you would not be around to enjoy it, to pointing out that when one teen in a high school commits suicide three more will usually try within a month and you don't sound like the kind of person who wants to be responsible for someone else's death, to the simple thing that God told my husband one night when he was just out of his teens and about to take his life "It will get better. It doesn't feel that way now but it will get better." I could ask about underlying abuses that often make people feel the way you do. And you would probably agree with all those things. But just agreeing with your mind probably would not make you feel better enough for long enough. There are only 3 things I know that can do that. The first one is a powerful meeting with Jesus and His full deliverence working in your life, the second is getting some counseling and maybe medicine to help, the third is simply staying around on earth until you grow enough in Jesus and His word that you are strong enough in God and God is strong enough in you for you to walk away from this one step at a time.

The one of these you can control most in the natural is getting some counseling and medicine. Doing this does not mean you are not trusting God. It means you want to get your head clear enough where so you can concentrate on Him and getting stronger in His word and surer of His love for you. To get counseling as a teen you will probably need some help. In your life now who do you trust? Is there a friend, an aunt or grandmother, a counselor at school, a youth minister who you know cares and wants the best for you? It is important for you to tell someone who knows you what you posted about how much you are thinking about suicide. When someone is depressed and upset today they are almost never "thrown in some mental place". The current thinking in psyciatry and counseling is "community based treatment" which in plain English means not sending people away somewhere or keeping hospitalization down to 24-48 hours and helping the person to cope with the problems in the midst of daily life not of away from every day reality. If you really don't feel you can tell anyone as much about this as you posted you can simply say ther are some things troubling you and you want to see a counselor. This should be available to you free through your school or a local mental health agency if your family does not have insurance.

It is not a disgrace or a sign that there is something bad about you to need to get some help. It is a sign of a strong and wise person to have the courage to ask for help. I read a survey a couple of years ago that said that 50% of teenagers had thought of suicide at one time or another. I am not sure how accurate that was but certainly there are enough people your age who have struggled with this so no competent counselor, teacher or youth minister will be shocked or think you are wierd for asking for help.

Please post again soon or email me and let me know how you are and what you are doing? I really want to hear from you.